The world is so ass-backwards it almost makes you wish you were dyslexic.

Now I don't have anything against Mexican people, but for God's sakes, sign the gust book on the way in.

Michael Moore simultaneously represents everything I detest in a human being and everything I feel obligated to defend in an American. Quite simply, it is that stupid moron's right to be that utterly, completely wrong.

And finally, and most importantly, the next time we go to war, don't give a specific reason for the war that the left can seize upon and later flog us with it ad nauseam, just do it. Remember, the first rule of Fight Club is that you don't talk about Fight Club.

I am proof that Einstein's "e equals m c squared" is wrong. My mass has increased, but my energy has dropped.

I haven't seen someone so overmatched since Mike Tyson tried to recite the alphabet.

Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction. It's enough for a lot of us to see those kids smiling on that street again.