American's could be any more self absorbed if they were made of equal parts water and paper towel.

I like money. It's fun to fold and stack and smell and look at. It's just plain fun to count money, and I often do it in a loud falsetto while wearing nothing but a captain's hat and a coin changer.

Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.

At some point you cannot be the kid in the glass bubble in this world. You might've heard throughout your grade school and high school years that it was a safe, nice, warm, fair, feeling place... but it can get brutal when it gets competitive. Especially when you succeed. Watch the detractors come out of the walls at that point.

Their offense is shakier than Katherine Hepburn after an all-night espresso bender at Starbucks.

Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.

I haven't seen someone so overmatched since Mike Tyson tried to recite the alphabet.