American's could be any more self absorbed if they were made of equal parts water and paper towel.

The good thing about Pittsburgh, it's a good place to be raised... it doesn't tolerate assholes. You're either a good guy or you're a bad guy... When I'm in Los Angeles having these incredibly surreal moments where nobody's saying anything and everybody's talking incessantly, I always have that Pittsburgh voice in my head - shut up, smile, get the job, move on.

The world is so ass-backwards it almost makes you wish you were dyslexic.

The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood.

I like money. It's fun to fold and stack and smell and look at. It's just plain fun to count money, and I often do it in a loud falsetto while wearing nothing but a captain's hat and a coin changer.

Everybody has to sell out at some point to make a living.

Let me use their own terminology against them. They aborted a child in the 200th trimester.