Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Drop the veneer periodically and be like "OK, I'm an imperfect human. Let's try to get through this."

Nowadays, with history not being taught anymore in American public schools, self-esteem is taking its place.

I'm glad I don't have a lot of money in the market. And quite frankly, you'd be better off giving your money to a colorblind roulette addict than put it in the stock market.

Should I really care what kind of beer frogs recommend?

Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie.

Hey, what if those crop circles are just ads for Target?