I'm glad I don't have a lot of money in the market. And quite frankly, you'd be better off giving your money to a colorblind roulette addict than put it in the stock market.

I think the people can bash Catholics because they know Catholics won't kill them. Quite frankly, there's some religions out there, you bash and they're going to kill you.

I'd rather be funny than wise.

Martha Stewart denied allegations that she had been given inside information to sell 4,000 shares of a stock in a biotech firm. Stewart then showed her audience how to make a festive, quick-burning yule log out of freshly-shredded financial documents.

The second type you have at these parades seems to be the people who want to mislabel Hitler. Everybody in the world is Hitler. Bush is Hitler, Ashcroft is Hitler, Rumsfeld is Hitler. The only guy who isn't Hitler is the foreign guy with a mustache dropping people who disagree with him into the wood chipper. He's not Hitler.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to say it across the fence while they were hanging wash. Now they just say it on the Internet.