Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie.

My fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumbles a few unintelligible words then before I know it I'm thrust into the back of my seat by acceleration that seems way too fast and the rest of the trip is an endless nightmare of turbulence, of near misses. And then the cabbie drops me off at the airport.

The next time you get the urge to shut somebody up because they don't see the world exactly the same way you do, take a deep breath, get out your Bill of Rights, and count to the ten amendments.

Two wrongs may not make a right, but a thousand wrongs make a writer.

The quarterback's spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop.

Of *course* he needs to renegotiate his salary - the guy buys more snow than Seward did when he bought Alaska from the Russians.

Their offense is shakier than Katherine Hepburn after an all-night espresso bender at Starbucks.