Two wrongs may not make a right, but a thousand wrongs make a writer.

When the hell is Warren Moon going to retire? I mean, this guy is older than the cuneiform in Nebuchadnezzar's tomb.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

How do we know for sure that no two snowflakes are the same - we haven't got anybody watching.

I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.

A third myth is that men think that women like guys who are dangerous. As a result, guys will often smoke cigarettes, drink too much, and ride a motorcycle without a helmet. The reality? Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.

When I went to college, I lived on campus, and the guys I hung out with made the characters in Revenge of the Nerds look like the Rat Pack in 1962. I, myself made that kid Booger look like Remington Steele.