Two wrongs may not make a right, but a thousand wrongs make a writer.

The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood.

Wouldn't it be great if all of Osama bin Laden's money was tied up in Enron stock?

There will be select instances where the consumer is interested in paying for premium content. I think it will be difficult to get people to pay for something on the Internet that they can find elsewhere on the Internet for free.

The ACLU spent this entire holiday season protesting public displays of the nativity scene. Yeah, that's the problem with America right now: Public displays of Christ's birth, that's the problem. It's unbelievable to me. The ACLU will no longer fight for your right to put up a nativity scene, but they'll fight for the right of the local freak who wants to stumble onto the scene and have sex with one of the sheep.

So who's the big red menace nowadays? Cuba. That's it? I'm sorry, but it's hard to whip up any us against them nationalist fervor about a country whose principal export is citizens who can swim.

I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.