What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

Parenting is the easiest job to get - you just have to screw up once and it's yours.

I don't know what I think of George W. Bush when he first got in, but I've grown fond of the man, and maybe it's the times we live in. They say he's not an environmentalist. But every time I see his ranch on TV, it looks pretty nice. You know something, if we all took care of our own, we'd have a great environment.

I have the distinction of speaking to you from one of the few countries that still has a communist party.

What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock and aw shucks campaign.

Warner had more hands in his face than an OB-GYN delivering Vishnu's triplets!