What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.

Trends don't mean anything to me. If I like something, I'll do it. If I don't, I won't do it, and I wouldn't care if everybody in the country mocked me.

You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.

Jack Kerouac was cool because he had no idea he was.

That punt was higher than Marion Berry on a fact-finding tour of Cartagena.

Check out the helmet hair on Randy Moss, babe! He looks like some freakish anti-Mr. T after a long evening sleeping through 'Aida.'

I have the distinction of speaking to you from one of the few countries that still has a communist party.