Twitter! Never have lives been less lived and more chronicled!

I'd rather be funny than wise.

The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell down and saw God.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

Dennis Kucinich's politics are more scrambled than Rod Steiger's dream journal.

Drop the veneer periodically and be like "OK, I'm an imperfect human. Let's try to get through this."

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.