That punt was higher than Marion Berry on a fact-finding tour of Cartagena.

The Patriots deflated balls are but an allegory for America's deflated balls in dealings with Putin, the Mullahs in Iran, and Islamic terrorists.

When you're sharing a mud hole with a wildebeest derriere in sub-Saharan Africa, that's a living hell.

Dennis Kucinich's politics are more scrambled than Rod Steiger's dream journal.

Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention.

After 7 years of marriage, I am sure of 2 things: First, never wallpaper together and second, you'll need 2 bathrooms . . . both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in.

They have an amazing proliferation of TV channels now: The all-cartoon channel, the 24-hour-science fiction channel. Of course, to make room for these they got rid of the Literacy Channel and the What's Left of Civilization Channel.