Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention.

I haven't seen someone so overmatched since Mike Tyson tried to recite the alphabet.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

I find it shocking that anybody can be brought down in D.C. for gossip, ostensibly. I thought that was the coin of the realm there. That's like getting hit with lightning on a cloudless day.

Joan Rivers telling Lauren Bacall her dress is all wrong is like Carrot Top telling Lenny Bruce he needs to get an edge.

Check out the helmet hair on Randy Moss, babe! He looks like some freakish anti-Mr. T after a long evening sleeping through 'Aida.'

The quarterback's spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop.