Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention.

A recent conversation: Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing! Cheney: That's the second hand, George.

I like money. It's fun to fold and stack and smell and look at. It's just plain fun to count money, and I often do it in a loud falsetto while wearing nothing but a captain's hat and a coin changer.

Homosexuals are entering the mainstream, because they're becoming as boring and as tedious as any other splinter group.

If somebody wants to shoot up and die in front of you, more power to them. The herd has a way of thinning itself out.

I find it shocking that anybody can be brought down in D.C. for gossip, ostensibly. I thought that was the coin of the realm there. That's like getting hit with lightning on a cloudless day.

Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to say it across the fence while they were hanging wash. Now they just say it on the Internet.