How many of those dead animals you see on the highway are suicides?

Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

In regards to Oral Roberts' claim that God told him that he would die unless he received $20 million by March, God's lawyers have stated that their client has not spoken with Roberts for several years. Off the record, God has stated that 'if I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago.

Some people like M&Ms plain, and some people like them with nuts.

I think the American legal system sucks worse than a Celine Dion cover version of Whole Lotta Love.

The way I've always governed my life as far as fiscal policy goes is I'm smart enough to know that I'm dumb about it, so I surround myself with smart people in much the same way a hole surrounds itself with a doughnut. I just pay things off. That's all I do.