Think of Iraq as "East Korea," because it was a shoot the cuffs war for the edification of Kim Jong Il to let him know we've now circled the SUVs. Iraq was about breaking adhesions, getting lean, staying frosty - in short, getting ready for the big Doug MacArthur Memorial Cage Match to come.

Dennis Kucinich's politics are more scrambled than Rod Steiger's dream journal.

Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.

Hey, Cunningham - Andy Warhol called. You're at 14:55 and we're tickin' big-time here, Chachi.

Campaign analysts say that Dean has produced the most innovative web site in this year's presidential race. I particularly like today's blog, which consisted of the sentence 'I hate myself,' typed four billion times. In Dean's case, this may be the first instance where the actually entity represented by the web site has crashed more often than the site did.

After September 11th, freedom of speech in America has become a topic that's touchier than a Vatican summer camp.

The second type you have at these parades seems to be the people who want to mislabel Hitler. Everybody in the world is Hitler. Bush is Hitler, Ashcroft is Hitler, Rumsfeld is Hitler. The only guy who isn't Hitler is the foreign guy with a mustache dropping people who disagree with him into the wood chipper. He's not Hitler.