Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.

I think we have to help the helpless. The clueless? I don't give a rat's ass about the clueless.

Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.

The left promises abortion rights and cradle to the grave protection, so the trick is to make it to the cradle.

There's no more delicious irony on the face of the Earth than environmental protesters being led away in plastic handcuffs that have a biodegradability horizon line of, like, 40,000 years.

I still feel pangs of remorse over an insidious habit I've had since I was a teenager. About three times a week, I attend estate auctions and make insulting, low-ball bids for prized heirlooms until I'm asked to leave.

Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.