Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The Cowboy's defense has more holes in it than Ronny Milsapp and Jose Feliciano after a game of lawn darts.

When I said 'we', officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.

Detroit's so bad this year they might lose their bye week.

I find it shocking that anybody can be brought down in D.C. for gossip, ostensibly. I thought that was the coin of the realm there. That's like getting hit with lightning on a cloudless day.

I'll say this about the war protesters: At least most of them are only putting duct tape across their mouths so I can still tell the rest of them to blow it out their ass.