Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.

Some people like M&Ms plain, and some people like them with nuts.

Look, we're Americans: optimistic, addicted to the quick fix, constantly on the hunt for the new and exotic. It's much easier for us to accept a guy with a big white beard hawking his own custom blend of saw palmetto and squirrel dandruff that it is to hear a real doctor telling us to lay off the big macs, and get off our fat asses and take a walk every decade or so.

Concussion? How the hell can they tell? They're *football* players, for chrissakes!

I like the show [Factor] because it's horny, but it's not skeevy. Where else are you going to get that nowadays?

Everybody is full of crap. The coin of the realm is being full of crap. The best people - being full of crap are our leaders and our superstars.

I think abortion's wrong, but it's none of my business to tell somebody what's wrong, he said. So I'm pro-choice. I want to keep my nose out of other people's personal business. I guess I fall into conservative when it comes to protecting the United States in a world where a lot of people hate the United States.