I have the distinction of speaking to you from one of the few countries that still has a communist party.

In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update would like to remind you: when you link up to another computer, you're linking up to every computer that that computer has ever linked up to.

The next time you get the urge to shut somebody up because they don't see the world exactly the same way you do, take a deep breath, get out your Bill of Rights, and count to the ten amendments.

When I said 'we', officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.

Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.

The Mexican people I know seem to respect the country in a way that many spoiled brats who were born here don't. So come on over folks, the more the merrier. But please, sign the guest book on the way in.

A developer is someone who wants to build a house in the woods. An environmentalist is someone who already has a house in the woods.