President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which.

Jack Kerouac was cool because he had no idea he was.

Hey, Cunningham - Andy Warhol called. You're at 14:55 and we're tickin' big-time here, Chachi.

If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this problem.

Is global warming new? I don't know. When I was young I remember the sun being hot.

I think the people can bash Catholics because they know Catholics won't kill them. Quite frankly, there's some religions out there, you bash and they're going to kill you.

If I want low-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate. If I want high-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate again.