President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which.

Now I don't have anything against Mexican people, but for God's sakes, sign the gust book on the way in.

After 7 years of marriage, I am sure of 2 things: First, never wallpaper together and second, you'll need 2 bathrooms . . . both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in.

When you're sharing a mud hole with a wildebeest derriere in sub-Saharan Africa, that's a living hell.

Ray Lewis knifed through those offensive linemen like a sucker-punch switchblade slicing between the ribs of some inebriated trash-talking punk outside a sports bar.

I like the show [Factor] because it's horny, but it's not skeevy. Where else are you going to get that nowadays?

Twitter! Never have lives been less lived and more chronicled!