If Bill Gates is worth $30 billion then a good haircut must cost $31 billion

Al Gore couldn't be more phony if he were a professional Al Gore impersonator

There will be select instances where the consumer is interested in paying for premium content. I think it will be difficult to get people to pay for something on the Internet that they can find elsewhere on the Internet for free.

Nothing ruins the mood during foreplay more than the recurring image of your sixty-five-year-old homeroom teacher trying to stretch a condom over a cucumber.

Somebody call Janet Reno - I think I just saw Donato dragging Doug Flutie into a locker room closet!

I think the people can bash Catholics because they know Catholics won't kill them. Quite frankly, there's some religions out there, you bash and they're going to kill you.

When you're sharing a mud hole with a wildebeest derriere in sub-Saharan Africa, that's a living hell.