If Bill Gates is worth $30 billion then a good haircut must cost $31 billion

Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.

Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?

Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand.

The American auto industry is blowing up like a 1976 Ford Pinto.

I like the show [Factor] because it's horny, but it's not skeevy. Where else are you going to get that nowadays?

When the hell is Warren Moon going to retire? I mean, this guy is older than the cuneiform in Nebuchadnezzar's tomb.