When you're sharing a mud hole with a wildebeest derriere in sub-Saharan Africa, that's a living hell.

I think the American legal system sucks worse than a Celine Dion cover version of Whole Lotta Love.

I cannot tell you how proud watching that [Iraqi] war coverage makes me. I know a lot of people are saying that they think that it's, that you know what we're doing is imperialistic. I watch the way we handle ourselves over there and I've never felt more patriotic in my life.

Should I really care what kind of beer frogs recommend?

Let me use their own terminology against them. They aborted a child in the 200th trimester.

I like the show [Factor] because it's horny, but it's not skeevy. Where else are you going to get that nowadays?

He lasted about as long as the dessert tray at Rosie O'Donnell's house.