On Thursday, a passenger forced his way into the cockpit of a United Airlines flight from Miami, but was subdued after the co-pilot hit him with a small ax. Good to see our airlines are being kept secure by the latest in 12th century technology.

Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

Warner had more hands in his face than an OB-GYN delivering Vishnu's triplets!

What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock and aw shucks campaign.

Hey, Cunningham - Andy Warhol called. You're at 14:55 and we're tickin' big-time here, Chachi.

The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood.