I don't have credibility, I'm a comedian. I'm not Ed Murrow up on the roof in a London fog reporting on the blitz.

I don't know about you, but in my neighborhood, they just opened a Starbucks... IN A STARBUCKS!!!

I think the American legal system sucks worse than a Celine Dion cover version of Whole Lotta Love.

Check out the helmet hair on Randy Moss, babe! He looks like some freakish anti-Mr. T after a long evening sleeping through 'Aida.'

When I said 'we', officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.

Jack Kerouac was cool because he had no idea he was.

If some unemployed punk in New Jersey, can get a cassette to make love to Elle McPherson for $19.95, this virtual reality stuff is going to make crack look like Sanka.