The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell down and saw God.

Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.

American's could be any more self absorbed if they were made of equal parts water and paper towel.

The Democrats continue to snipe at Bush. They'll never give it up to him. You know Teddy Kennedy and Tom Daschle pick more nits than a father and son spider monkey team who know they're being followed by a National Geographic film crew.

If I want low-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate. If I want high-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate again.

Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand.

One man's Voltaire is another man's Screech.