The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell down and saw God.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

Martha Stewart denied allegations that she had been given inside information to sell 4,000 shares of a stock in a biotech firm. Stewart then showed her audience how to make a festive, quick-burning yule log out of freshly-shredded financial documents.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

I would call the French scumbags, but that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum. I say we invade Iraq, then invade Chirac.

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.