Concussion? How the hell can they tell? They're *football* players, for chrissakes!

I am proof that Einstein's "e equals m c squared" is wrong. My mass has increased, but my energy has dropped.

There's a lot of differing data [about global warming], but as far as I can gather, over the last hundred years the temperature on this planet has gone up 1.8 degrees. Am I the only one who finds that amazingly stable? I could go back to my hotel room tonight and futz with the thermostat for three to four hours. I could not detect that difference.

I have sympathy for any human being that's driven by their limbic part of their brain. We all know that exists in a person.

What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock and aw shucks campaign.

The next time you get the urge to shut somebody up because they don't see the world exactly the same way you do, take a deep breath, get out your Bill of Rights, and count to the ten amendments.

On Thursday, a passenger forced his way into the cockpit of a United Airlines flight from Miami, but was subdued after the co-pilot hit him with a small ax. Good to see our airlines are being kept secure by the latest in 12th century technology.