In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update would like to remind you: when you link up to another computer, you're linking up to every computer that that computer has ever linked up to.
Dennis MillerNow let me get this straight. Bush is anti-abortion, but pro-death penalty. I guess it's all in the timing, huh?
Dennis MillerBill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie.
Dennis MillerMy fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumbles a few unintelligible words then before I know it I'm thrust into the back of my seat by acceleration that seems way too fast and the rest of the trip is an endless nightmare of turbulence, of near misses. And then the cabbie drops me off at the airport.
Dennis Miller