Somebody can say they don't understand why somebody drifts. But I've always found people who drift interesting, 'cause it shows me the game's not stagnant in their own head. They're thinking.

How many of those dead animals you see on the highway are suicides?

The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.

I like the show [Factor] because it's horny, but it's not skeevy. Where else are you going to get that nowadays?

Laughter is one of the great beacons in life because we don't refract it by gunning it through our intellectual prism. What makes us laugh is a mystery - an involuntary response.

Ouch! And Marino goes down quicker than his Boonesfarm-infused sister in the back of my '68 Cutlass on our first date after watching 'Love Story' at the drive-in.

The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood.