The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

By and large, I think it should be a rule in the teacher employment manual that you can't go attend any event where if you took your classroom on a student field trip, they would summarily be obliterated. That should be rule No. 1.

When you're sharing a mud hole with a wildebeest derriere in sub-Saharan Africa, that's a living hell.

In regards to Oral Roberts' claim that God told him that he would die unless he received $20 million by March, God's lawyers have stated that their client has not spoken with Roberts for several years. Off the record, God has stated that 'if I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago.

The next time you get the urge to shut somebody up because they don't see the world exactly the same way you do, take a deep breath, get out your Bill of Rights, and count to the ten amendments.