Pat Buchanan is so homo-phobic, he blames global warming on the AIDS quilt.

The soldiers kill suicide bombers. Think about that. When a guys whole thing in life is to kill himself and you get there first... you are halling ass my friends.

Now let me get this straight. Bush is anti-abortion, but pro-death penalty. I guess it's all in the timing, huh?

The punt returner got smacked like Nancy Kerrigan's knee on souvenir pipe night.

Their offense is shakier than Katherine Hepburn after an all-night espresso bender at Starbucks.

Half the people I look who are health food addicts look sickly to me. Let's start taxing health food. Somebody force a burger down some of these people's jaw because they look a little pale and wan to me.

I'm a tad paranoid. I think the person in front of me is following me the long way round.