Pat Buchanan is so homo-phobic, he blames global warming on the AIDS quilt.

It takes zero politically correct people to screw in a lightbulb because they are perpetually in the dark.

I don't know about you, but in my neighborhood, they just opened a Starbucks... IN A STARBUCKS!!!

Wouldn't it be great if all of Osama bin Laden's money was tied up in Enron stock?

Look, we're Americans: optimistic, addicted to the quick fix, constantly on the hunt for the new and exotic. It's much easier for us to accept a guy with a big white beard hawking his own custom blend of saw palmetto and squirrel dandruff that it is to hear a real doctor telling us to lay off the big macs, and get off our fat asses and take a walk every decade or so.

I used to be sceptic, but not anymore, because now I am positive that I'm getting screwed.

It's a cocktail-party circuit in D.C., That guy who couldn't master the guitar and get in a band and get laid, he ends up there. Gary Condit make sense to me. He's away from his family, he's in D.C. - if he was a car dealer in the [San Fernando] Valley somewhere out there, he'd be the guy who was trying to get laid by offering you the free undercoating package.