I don't need to be born again. I got it right the first time.

The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.

Let me use their own terminology against them. They aborted a child in the 200th trimester.

Wouldn't it be great if all of Osama bin Laden's money was tied up in Enron stock?

When the hell is Warren Moon going to retire? I mean, this guy is older than the cuneiform in Nebuchadnezzar's tomb.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

When you're sharing a mud hole with a wildebeest derriere in sub-Saharan Africa, that's a living hell.