Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand.

I'm left on a lot of things. If two gay guys want to get married, I could care less. If a nut case from overseas wants to blow up their wedding, that's when I'm right.

Homosexuals are entering the mainstream, because they're becoming as boring and as tedious as any other splinter group.

The Democrats continue to snipe at Bush. They'll never give it up to him. You know Teddy Kennedy and Tom Daschle pick more nits than a father and son spider monkey team who know they're being followed by a National Geographic film crew.

America may be the best country in the world, but that's kind of like being the valedictorian of summer school.

I have sympathy for any human being that's driven by their limbic part of their brain. We all know that exists in a person.

A third myth is that men think that women like guys who are dangerous. As a result, guys will often smoke cigarettes, drink too much, and ride a motorcycle without a helmet. The reality? Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.