Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand.

Americans stick their nose where it doesn't belong more than Cyrano de Bergerac giving head.

A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away.

The world is so ass-backwards it almost makes you wish you were dyslexic.

What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

In regards to Oral Roberts' claim that God told him that he would die unless he received $20 million by March, God's lawyers have stated that their client has not spoken with Roberts for several years. Off the record, God has stated that 'if I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago.