We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

We are simultaneously the most hated, loved, feared and admired nation on this planet. In short, we are Frank Sinatra.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

When I went to college, I lived on campus, and the guys I hung out with made the characters in Revenge of the Nerds look like the Rat Pack in 1962. I, myself made that kid Booger look like Remington Steele.

I used to be sceptic, but not anymore, because now I am positive that I'm getting screwed.

You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.

Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.