Wouldn't it be great if all of Osama bin Laden's money was tied up in Enron stock?

Why should I hate someone on the basis of their religion, when I can take a little time to get to know them and hate them for a myriad of real reasons.

That secondary provides worse coverage than a Guatemalan HMO.

Warner had more hands in his face than an OB-GYN delivering Vishnu's triplets!

How many of those dead animals you see on the highway are suicides?

Think of Iraq as "East Korea," because it was a shoot the cuffs war for the edification of Kim Jong Il to let him know we've now circled the SUVs. Iraq was about breaking adhesions, getting lean, staying frosty - in short, getting ready for the big Doug MacArthur Memorial Cage Match to come.

If I want low-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate. If I want high-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate again.