You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.

Ah, Feminism in the nineties, what a What is yours what is mine field.

I come from that earlier time in America when palm pilot was a nickname you recieved upon entering puberty! I was more than a palm pilot I was the palm Chuck Jager. Tom Wolfe wrote a book about me called The Right Hand Stuff. I was the only guy in my class hip enough to move to the European grip.

Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie.

Then people ask me if I'm worried about the effects of global warming on my kids. Well, obviously I love my kids and I want them to live to be a 100. So that's another 1.8. My kids' kids? Three point six. I'll just tell them we moved to Phoenix.

Martha Stewart denied allegations that she had been given inside information to sell 4,000 shares of a stock in a biotech firm. Stewart then showed her audience how to make a festive, quick-burning yule log out of freshly-shredded financial documents.

He lasted about as long as the dessert tray at Rosie O'Donnell's house.