You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.

President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which.

I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.

Drop the veneer periodically and be like "OK, I'm an imperfect human. Let's try to get through this."

Yeah, this country's founding fathers are a bunch of dead rich white men, but they did set things up so you could come and sit at the table, so don't piss in the finger bowls, all right? Thank you. In return for unfettered economic opportunity and no government death squads, try to get along with your new stepmotherland, and don't be resentful if there's a set of house rules already in place.

I would call the French scumbags, but that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum. I say we invade Iraq, then invade Chirac.

You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.