The left promises abortion rights and cradle to the grave protection, so the trick is to make it to the cradle.

Their offense is shakier than Katherine Hepburn after an all-night espresso bender at Starbucks.

If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this problem.

I'd rather be funny than wise.

Parenting is the easiest job to get - you just have to screw up once and it's yours.

I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.

Check out the helmet hair on Randy Moss, babe! He looks like some freakish anti-Mr. T after a long evening sleeping through 'Aida.'