Homosexuals are entering the mainstream, because they're becoming as boring and as tedious as any other splinter group.

Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?

The quarterback's spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

Everybody has to sell out at some point to make a living.

Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels.

The Nazi signs have got to stop. If you're in a peace march and the guy next to you has a sign saying that 'Bush is Hitler,' forget the peace thing for a second and beat his ass, because he is not Hitler.