Homosexuals are entering the mainstream, because they're becoming as boring and as tedious as any other splinter group.

I find it shocking that anybody can be brought down in D.C. for gossip, ostensibly. I thought that was the coin of the realm there. That's like getting hit with lightning on a cloudless day.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

I think the people can bash Catholics because they know Catholics won't kill them. Quite frankly, there's some religions out there, you bash and they're going to kill you.

Joan Rivers telling Lauren Bacall her dress is all wrong is like Carrot Top telling Lenny Bruce he needs to get an edge.

He lasted about as long as the dessert tray at Rosie O'Donnell's house.

I'm actually equal parts cynicism and apathy. I'm always willing to believe the worst as long as it doesn't take too much effort.