Everybody has to sell out at some point to make a living.

I don't know about you, but in my neighborhood, they just opened a Starbucks... IN A STARBUCKS!!!

The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.

When you're sharing a mud hole with a wildebeest derriere in sub-Saharan Africa, that's a living hell.

And finally, and most importantly, the next time we go to war, don't give a specific reason for the war that the left can seize upon and later flog us with it ad nauseam, just do it. Remember, the first rule of Fight Club is that you don't talk about Fight Club.

The current tax code is harder to understand than Bob Dylan reading Finnegans Wake in a wind tunnel.

Then people ask me if I'm worried about the effects of global warming on my kids. Well, obviously I love my kids and I want them to live to be a 100. So that's another 1.8. My kids' kids? Three point six. I'll just tell them we moved to Phoenix.