Everybody has to sell out at some point to make a living.

Al Gore couldn't be more phony if he were a professional Al Gore impersonator

Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.

Let me use their own terminology against them. They aborted a child in the 200th trimester.

The current tax code is harder to understand than Bob Dylan reading Finnegans Wake in a wind tunnel.

The ACLU spent this entire holiday season protesting public displays of the nativity scene. Yeah, that's the problem with America right now: Public displays of Christ's birth, that's the problem. It's unbelievable to me. The ACLU will no longer fight for your right to put up a nativity scene, but they'll fight for the right of the local freak who wants to stumble onto the scene and have sex with one of the sheep.

America was founded by puritans and like it or not the anti-pleasure dogma of those buckled-shoed killjoys still pervades our collective unconscious like an I-max shot of Dennis Franz's naked hairy cop ass. Hence, anything enjoyable is automatically forbidden and bad and in our panic to avoid it at all cost we become obsessed with it... like dressing up in a pink teddy and a pair of ugboots and repeatedly screaming the word 'VERBOTEN!' into a conk shell balanced on the back on a miniature pony... Oh, I see.. That would just be me.