Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?

After 7 years of marriage, I am sure of 2 things: First, never wallpaper together and second, you'll need 2 bathrooms . . . both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in.

I'm extremely moved by the loving, caring relationship the President always seems to have with his imaginary son.

Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?

To me, nature always appears more unbalanced than Gary Busey with a clogged Eustachian tube.

Democratic candidate John Kerry on Tuesday chose fellow Senator John Edwards to be his running mate. Asked about Edwards' lack of foreign policy experience, Kerry revealed his new campaign slogan, 'I Promise Not to Die.'

Twitter! Never have lives been less lived and more chronicled!