Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?

I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.

Concussion? How the hell can they tell? They're *football* players, for chrissakes!

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

The quarterback's spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop.

Joan Rivers telling Lauren Bacall her dress is all wrong is like Carrot Top telling Lenny Bruce he needs to get an edge.

The American auto industry is blowing up like a 1976 Ford Pinto.