I find it shocking that anybody can be brought down in D.C. for gossip, ostensibly. I thought that was the coin of the realm there. That's like getting hit with lightning on a cloudless day.

It's your living room, it's your life, go nuts. You like Home Improvement? Tape it and go over it like it's the Zapruder film.

Warner had more hands in his face than an OB-GYN delivering Vishnu's triplets!

When I went to college, I lived on campus, and the guys I hung out with made the characters in Revenge of the Nerds look like the Rat Pack in 1962. I, myself made that kid Booger look like Remington Steele.

The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.

But the biggest fake of the year, Paul Begala's last smile

If Bill Gates is worth $30 billion then a good haircut must cost $31 billion