What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?

Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?

I'll say this about the war protesters: At least most of them are only putting duct tape across their mouths so I can still tell the rest of them to blow it out their ass.

Is it just me, or are the 49ers doing an awful lot of ass-patting today?

We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being.

To me, nature always appears more unbalanced than Gary Busey with a clogged Eustachian tube.

I am proof that Einstein's "e equals m c squared" is wrong. My mass has increased, but my energy has dropped.