Ray Lewis knifed through those offensive linemen like a sucker-punch switchblade slicing between the ribs of some inebriated trash-talking punk outside a sports bar.

I don't need to be born again. I got it right the first time.

Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women just want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.

Nothing ruins the mood during foreplay more than the recurring image of your sixty-five-year-old homeroom teacher trying to stretch a condom over a cucumber.

Ouch! And Marino goes down quicker than his Boonesfarm-infused sister in the back of my '68 Cutlass on our first date after watching 'Love Story' at the drive-in.

America may be the best country in the world, but that's kind of like being the valedictorian of summer school.

The world is so ass-backwards it almost makes you wish you were dyslexic.