I'm extremely moved by the loving, caring relationship the President always seems to have with his imaginary son.

Growing up, my family wasn't very tight. We were more like a tour group with secrets.

Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.

The Cowboy's defense has more holes in it than Ronny Milsapp and Jose Feliciano after a game of lawn darts.

Other than the bombs they strap to their chests, Ive got no idea what makes the Palestinians tick.

Only man is a narcissistic enough species to think that a highly evolved alien life force would travel across billions and billions of light-years- a group of aliens so intelligent, so insouciant, so utterly above it all, they feel no need whatsoever to equip their spacecraft with windows so that they can gaze out on all that celestial beauty-but then immediately upon landing, their first impulse is to get in some hick's ass with a flashlight.

And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God's sake, they were blowing peoples' heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage. And it wasn't even coffee.