I'm extremely moved by the loving, caring relationship the President always seems to have with his imaginary son.

Laughter is one of the great beacons in life because we don't refract it by gunning it through our intellectual prism. What makes us laugh is a mystery - an involuntary response.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

The current tax code is harder to understand than Bob Dylan reading Finnegans Wake in a wind tunnel.

Is global warming new? I don't know. When I was young I remember the sun being hot.

President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which.

Half the people I look who are health food addicts look sickly to me. Let's start taxing health food. Somebody force a burger down some of these people's jaw because they look a little pale and wan to me.