I'm actually equal parts cynicism and apathy. I'm always willing to believe the worst as long as it doesn't take too much effort.

Liberals always feel your pain. Unless of course, they caused it.

The Cowboy's defense has more holes in it than Ronny Milsapp and Jose Feliciano after a game of lawn darts.

If somebody wants to shoot up and die in front of you, more power to them. The herd has a way of thinning itself out.

I'll say this about the war protesters: At least most of them are only putting duct tape across their mouths so I can still tell the rest of them to blow it out their ass.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie.