America may be the best country in the world, but that's kind of like being the valedictorian of summer school.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

When I went to college, I lived on campus, and the guys I hung out with made the characters in Revenge of the Nerds look like the Rat Pack in 1962. I, myself made that kid Booger look like Remington Steele.

Warner had more hands in his face than an OB-GYN delivering Vishnu's triplets!

Pat Buchanan is so homo-phobic, he blames global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Is global warming new? I don't know. When I was young I remember the sun being hot.

Branson, Missouri, is Vegas for people with no teeth.