I'm sorry, those pictures from the Abu Ghraib. At first, they, like infuriated me, I was sad. Then like, a couple days later, after they cut the guy's head off, they didn't seem like much. And now, I like to trade them with my friends.

Hey, Cunningham - Andy Warhol called. You're at 14:55 and we're tickin' big-time here, Chachi.

I have the distinction of speaking to you from one of the few countries that still has a communist party.

I like the show [Factor] because it's horny, but it's not skeevy. Where else are you going to get that nowadays?

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Then people ask me if I'm worried about the effects of global warming on my kids. Well, obviously I love my kids and I want them to live to be a 100. So that's another 1.8. My kids' kids? Three point six. I'll just tell them we moved to Phoenix.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.