I had fun pretending to be a sportscaster. People always think that was a down thing for me. I had the best job in sports broadcasting for two years.

Half the people I look who are health food addicts look sickly to me. Let's start taxing health food. Somebody force a burger down some of these people's jaw because they look a little pale and wan to me.

Technology is fine. . ., but that popular vision of the future, where you plug somebody in and leave them there and they don't get out and interact with actual flesh-and-blood humans - you know the answer before I say it - that's not good.

Dennis Kucinich's politics are more scrambled than Rod Steiger's dream journal.

The Cowboy's defense has more holes in it than Ronny Milsapp and Jose Feliciano after a game of lawn darts.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

Political Correctness is inverted McCarthyism.