Jerry Falwell says that abortion and homosexuality are sins. Oh yeah? Well, so is gluttony, Jerry. So maybe you should think about dropping 50 pounds.

I love this country for several reasons, not the least of which is that I know I'm allowed to hate it if I want to.

I have a nice house. And when somebody says it's a palace, I always feel like we're digging a little or something.

After September 11th, freedom of speech in America has become a topic that's touchier than a Vatican summer camp.

Let me use their own terminology against them. They aborted a child in the 200th trimester.

I don't know what I think of George W. Bush when he first got in, but I've grown fond of the man, and maybe it's the times we live in. They say he's not an environmentalist. But every time I see his ranch on TV, it looks pretty nice. You know something, if we all took care of our own, we'd have a great environment.

Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?