That kid's got an arm like Uncle Fester at an exhibition of Pre-Colombian... um, Christ, I lost it. I was going for something thick. So what's with the beard, Grizzly Fouts?

Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.

Hey, what if those crop circles are just ads for Target?

I'm extremely moved by the loving, caring relationship the President always seems to have with his imaginary son.

They have an amazing proliferation of TV channels now: The all-cartoon channel, the 24-hour-science fiction channel. Of course, to make room for these they got rid of the Literacy Channel and the What's Left of Civilization Channel.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

Nothing ruins the mood during foreplay more than the recurring image of your sixty-five-year-old homeroom teacher trying to stretch a condom over a cucumber.