The current tax code is harder to understand than Bob Dylan reading Finnegans Wake in a wind tunnel.

Wouldn't it be great if all of Osama bin Laden's money was tied up in Enron stock?

And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God's sake, they were blowing peoples' heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage. And it wasn't even coffee.

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home.

I like money. It's fun to fold and stack and smell and look at. It's just plain fun to count money, and I often do it in a loud falsetto while wearing nothing but a captain's hat and a coin changer.

Pat Buchanan is so homo-phobic, he blames global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Is it just me, or are the 49ers doing an awful lot of ass-patting today?