I love this country for several reasons, not the least of which is that I know I'm allowed to hate it if I want to.

Why should I hate someone on the basis of their religion, when I can take a little time to get to know them and hate them for a myriad of real reasons.

That kid's got an arm like Uncle Fester at an exhibition of Pre-Colombian... um, Christ, I lost it. I was going for something thick. So what's with the beard, Grizzly Fouts?

I haven't seen someone so overmatched since Mike Tyson tried to recite the alphabet.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

I'm extremely moved by the loving, caring relationship the President always seems to have with his imaginary son.

In the late twentieth century, staying sober has become just as much an addiction as getting wasted.