Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.

A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to 35 and your job still requires you wear a nametag, you've probably made a serious vocational error.

Bad television is three things: a bullet train to a morally bankrupt youth, a slow spiral into an intellectual void, and of course, a complete blast to watch.

Parenting is the easiest job to get - you just have to screw up once and it's yours.

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home.

Look, we're Americans: optimistic, addicted to the quick fix, constantly on the hunt for the new and exotic. It's much easier for us to accept a guy with a big white beard hawking his own custom blend of saw palmetto and squirrel dandruff that it is to hear a real doctor telling us to lay off the big macs, and get off our fat asses and take a walk every decade or so.

Other than the bombs they strap to their chests, Ive got no idea what makes the Palestinians tick.