Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home.

That secondary provides worse coverage than a Guatemalan HMO.

They have an amazing proliferation of TV channels now: The all-cartoon channel, the 24-hour-science fiction channel. Of course, to make room for these they got rid of the Literacy Channel and the What's Left of Civilization Channel.

Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women just want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.

The Patriots deflated balls are but an allegory for America's deflated balls in dealings with Putin, the Mullahs in Iran, and Islamic terrorists.

A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away.

I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.