Bad television is three things: a bullet train to a morally bankrupt youth, a slow spiral into an intellectual void, and of course, a complete blast to watch.

There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.

I like money. It's fun to fold and stack and smell and look at. It's just plain fun to count money, and I often do it in a loud falsetto while wearing nothing but a captain's hat and a coin changer.

The quarterback's spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop.

Seems to me we move the furniture, the French come in later and put the doilies on top of it...It's a simple fact they've always been reluctant to surrender to the wishes of their friends and are almost anticipatory in their urge to surrender to wishes of their enemies. And if they want to get their hands dirty now they're just gonna have to run 'em through their own hair.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Ouch! And Marino goes down quicker than his Boonesfarm-infused sister in the back of my '68 Cutlass on our first date after watching 'Love Story' at the drive-in.