Great humorists are great insulters.

I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.

There were several things a Yale freshman was supposed to be able to do. You had to demonstrate in the Olympic-size Yale pool that you could swim 50 yards or be inducted into swimming class.

A biggest mistake I made when I started doing a talk show was I thought you had to read the books.

Running my show is really like an actor being in repertory but where, in one day in one performance, you do scenes from a drama, a farce, a low comedy and a tragedy.

The very phrase 'Oscar night' used to accelerate my pulse. For one thing - dating myself - it meant Bob Hope. He always had good, strong jokes, that faultless delivery, and always a new joke about his own films' failure - once again - to be honored.

Music bypasses the brain and goes straight to the heart. I wish my life had more of it.